His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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