Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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