dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sorry my hands just texted you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
