you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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