I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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