I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
