It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
