so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
