Jerry, you need to find god
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
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burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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