i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize