She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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