WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
