Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
