so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
