this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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