11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
