Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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