I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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