I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
