We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize