Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
