my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
