Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
