Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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