i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
