I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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