I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
