i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
