i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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