My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
