Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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