uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
