I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
