saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
