Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
