In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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