were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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