one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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