I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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