Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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