I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
