He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
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They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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