Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
