The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
be right there i have to get my cape
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
