But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
