Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
