nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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