I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i dont even know how to be here
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
