I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
