i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
