He kissed a someone with a penis
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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