Jerry, you need to find god
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
