Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
