Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
