To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
