Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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