dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
