Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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