The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
