I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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