and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
