Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
