I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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