I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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