He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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