I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
