I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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