i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
