Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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