She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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