then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Everyone says I win the strip club
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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