just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
