Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
