My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
