im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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