A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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